


Part of me

by Lonelyfairy



Category: X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-02-11 18:14:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2078196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lonelyfairy/pseuds/Lonelyfairy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe that’s the thing, maybe that’s the problem between them after all, they think too much.<br/>All the war, the strategies, and the philosophies has filled their mind so much over the years that they barely know how to simply say what they want to say anymore.<br/>Maybe they are so used to planning several steps ahead, having back-up plans, and countermeasure, that they forget how things don’t always need to be complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Part of me

It is not uncommon for Erik to show up at the school, emerging from the window of Charles’ office or bedroom. Sometimes he has his cape and his helmet—that damned helmet—on, and Charles knows they will either be arguing or scolding each other about one thing or another. His communication skills may work well on a podium or in a bar, but it seems to fail him whenever the issue is concerning Erik, or what he does. And Erik, well, Erik is Erik. Sharp, strong, and not so much—or maybe more like not at all—about compromising.

But some other times, he would be in that sexy, black turtleneck Charles fell for since the first time he saw it all those years ago, and without his helmet. And only the sight of that alone makes Charles’ day. More because he knows Erik is there for a few games of chess, some good scotch, and maybe some hot sex, than it is because he can feel Erik’s mind again. In fact, as much as he hates that stupid helmet, the lack of it actually means having to spend almost half of his attention stopping his mind from reaching out to Erik’s.

There were years, when they have just parted ways, where Erik never trust him enough to visit without the helmet. And the thought of Erik thinking that Charles would dive into his head to dig out some information or to change his way of thinking broke Charles’ heart. So, now that he has gained Erik’s trust back, he tries as hard as he could to stay away.

But as strong as he is, controlling his telepathic isn’t always so easy. The edge of his mind tends to get fuzzy when all he could focus on is how hot, sexy, and awesome Erik is in bed, or when he is sick, or drunk, and thought Erik never seems to mind if his control slips during those times; there were still other times when an accidental brush of his mind toward Erik’s does earn him at least a few curses or scowls. And it has always been Charles’ greatest, hidden fear that one day it will all be too much for Erik. That one day, one mistake, and Erik will be gone forever.

 

The most ironic part about it all is the fact that, the more he fears, the less control he has over his power.

 

 

Erik hasn’t show up for almost 10 months, not only at the school, but even in news. And Charles is starting to get worried. No matter how much he tries to tell himself not to worry, he still finds himself more and more like a soldier’s wife waiting for news and praying that the next time she hears of her lover, it won’t be a bad news. It makes him feel pathetic. Angry. Scared. Useless. Here he is, one of the most powerful mutant on Earth, running a school that double as a refugee for so many mutants, keeping them safe, giving them the home they never have, yet he can’t even make sure the person he loves stays unharmed.

He can reaches every single mind in the world and know exactly where they are, what they are doing, what they are seeing even; but he can’t even tell if Erik is alive.

Charles was all but on the edge of breaking down.

 

 

Finally, Erik shows up, dark circles underneath his eyes and large portion of bandages still visible even with his turtleneck on. And Charles tries, for the love of god he tries all he could, never once was he more careful with his power, and yet his mind latches out, still, almost instantly. Not to find out what happened, not even to find out how bad it was, all he could think of finding is just a smallest reassurance that Erik is ok. He has been telling the children that he doesn’t worry about Erik that much, not wanting to worry them himself, but the fact that his mind, on its own accord, invades Erik’s head without even trying to be gentle seems to prove otherwise.

“STAY OUT OF MY HEAD!” Erik snaps even before he finishes wincing. Whatever it is the reason of his hiding this time, it has surely made him way crankier than normal.

“Gott verdammt! How many times do I have to tell you to stop, Charles!? I don’t want you in my head! There’s nothing for you to search there!”

The metals in the room begin to rattle as Erik’s anger elevates. Normally, Charles tries to end whatever discussion they have at this point. He doesn’t want anyone to get hurt and, though he doesn’t admit it so much, there are still things in this house that he want to keep in its original shapes and not just a crumpled piece of metal. But he has been worrying sick for Erik this whole time, not knowing if he is planning yet another stupid plan that would most likely ends up in him hurting himself or has he already executed one and got himself hurt already. That plus with trying to run a school for over 40 teenagers and a few more kids and he can’t think of feeling guilty or even be bothered to compromise anymore.

"So much for your shouldn’t-have-to-hide speech, huh, Erik?” Words spill out of his mouth as if he has lost control over them as well.

“Tell me, did you reach out for all the metal you could when they put you in jail? Did you try to extend your power toward even the tiniest piece of metal, even the ones that were miles away?,” inching himself closer to where Erik is standing, he continues, his voice low and flat the way he saved for only when someone crossed his line.

“You knew there were no metal around, didn’t you? But you still tried. It’s not the matter of wanting to or not, isn’t it, Erik? Those metals are part of you, of who you are. It’s your nature, your instinct, to reach out for them, to try to feel them,” he looks straight into the taller man’s eyes as he goes on. The jail surely isn’t one of the best topics to bring up during their fights, but he’s too tired to care now.

“It’s the same for me, my friend. The same way your power reaches out to every pieces of metal in your range without having to think, mine reaches out, despite me trying to stop it, towards what keeps it calm, what give it peace, what it needs to stay sane. For what’s part of me.” Charles continued, as the faint flush of relieve that Erik is safe and sound rushes in, making him soften his words down a little.

“ Everybody’s mind, you’re saying, Charles? Always so nosy, aren’t you?”Erik quirked his eyebrows just a bit. Amuse seems to take place over most of his anger now.

 

 

 

Silence stretches across the two of them for a long moment as if they are both weighting their decision to make the first move, as if they are both afraid of making the wrong move.

Maybe that’s the thing, maybe that’s the problem between them after all, they think too much. All the war, the strategies, and the philosophies has filled their mind so much over the years that they barely know how to simply say what they want to say anymore.

Maybe they are so used to planning several steps ahead, having back-up plans, and countermeasure, that they forget how things don’t always need to be complicated.

Maybe—and Charles hope he’s right—they are both driving themselves crazy over the same thing: fear of rejection.

 

 

 

After what seems like one too many thought, Charles takes a deep breath, trying his best to calm himself, before finally whispering, barely loud enough for the other to hear.

 

 

 

 

 

“Not everybody’s, Erik”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Yours. Just yours.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The silence stretches even longer this time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But when the corners of Erik’s mouth moves, so slight no one else would have notices, Charles knows there is no need for him to fear, not anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Somehow I came up with this when I was running to school the other day.  
> Originally planned for this to be an angst, but this week has been so tiring and I really don't have the heart to hurt either one of them now, so this is what I ended up with.
> 
> Unbeta'ed again, as my beta is having her real life problem and won't be available any time soon.


End file.
